the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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