I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
