Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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