I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
