my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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