I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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