2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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