I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
