He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
