Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
