We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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