Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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