More tranny stories later!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
