I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
