I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
