Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
