I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I deserve this hangover.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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