she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
