mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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