I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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