What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
vagina is talking i cant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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