im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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