but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
