He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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