i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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