if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my poor anus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
