They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two words: blizzard sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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