i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
