he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
