i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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