On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
