kristin has been a bad kristin
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
