I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He felt like a one man threesome
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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