You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize