I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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