hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
