Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone came in the potted fern
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
