Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
