they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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