K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
