it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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