Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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