Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
