i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
