This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
