I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
