my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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