You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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