does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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