Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
