All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
