If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
