A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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