I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
