Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
