Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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