you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
