Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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