In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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