totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
