I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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