fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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