I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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