I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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