i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
