I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
