So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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