We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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