Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
