question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
