Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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