Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
