On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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