it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My breasts were aching with rage.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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