I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
