i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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