nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
