Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
