I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
