Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
two words...techno handjob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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